Bite Me..Erm. I mean You. I mean..nevermind.

     Fangs, they really would have come in handy. Except when I awakened as a vampire, I kept looking the mirror for them, and though I tried to convince myself that my incors were indeed larger then most...It still came down to, no, I don't have fangs.
  
    There was this woman the grocery line the other day, that I really wanted to chew out. By chew out I don't mean insult immensley until she feels like she should be on her knees, asking for forgiveness, I mean chew her out until I've punctured her juguler vein and there's blood...ALL OVER her, "300 dollar shoes" made with real snake skin that were bright pink, and didn't match her leopard skin, 3 sizes to tight, micromini skirt. However, if I even tried, by the time I would have ripped her throat out, the cops would have had me up against the wall with only a small wound, not even bloody, on her neck. I know, because a friend of mine named Ian, let me try it on his arm.
    It happened in freshmen year at my High School, and another friend of mine named Jenny, asked me if we could have a biting contest. She being non vampiric, thought that as a vampire I should have bit harder. I thought that too.
     Until her bite wound left yellow, green and black, bruising around broken skin. My bite only had light indentations and minimal bruising.

  There was another time, when my Mother needed me to open a bag of chips for her. We looked high and low for a knife, but they were all in the dish washer and she didn't want to take one out and mess up the wash cycle. So she handed me the bag of chips and I clenched my teeth together against the touch skinned bag, and then I pullled the bag away from my teeth, jaw still clenched.
 Nothing.
  Nada.
The bag remained un-punctured.

   One Halloween I was a vampire. I was eighteen and it was the first time I was--myself...only not. It was a killer costume and by killer I mean, I had these realistic fangs. Calling myself a vampire, everyone though they were indeed real--and by real? I mean they thought I had actually gone to a dentist to get them done like the other emo-retards that call themselves vampires. The point of this story, was that I scared the living shit out of everyone who came near me. All the way up to the point where my best friends stopped talking to me and ignored me slightly because they thought--I was a vampire, and they believed that I had the power to rip flesh off from their very bones with a single bite. Anyone on the streets at midnight with a little too much rum in their bellys..didn't even go near me after I flashed my fangs at them. I can do a mean growl, but I don't count that as apart of my vampirism.

I'm a vampire, and I apologize that I don't have fangs.